To My Little Prince(ss)

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My clock is silently ticking.

As I see the photos of  round bellies and tiny, beautiful faces, I think of you.

I’ve dreamed of you once or twice, I can’t wait to meet you, touch you.

Then I think about my family that’s plagued with infertility problems, maybe I could never have you.

Will you have my eyes? Daddy’s smile?

Will me, you, & daddy have the same last name?

Will I ever be ready for your arrival?

Will I be a good parent?

I may never know these answers, but one day I will.

I know I love you already.

Life Chat: What had Happened Was…

pinklips

Did you miss me?

I’ve missed you guys so much and I’M BACK!!!( I wish you guys could see the big smile on my face as I’m typing this) I owe you guys an explanation as why I just disappeared, so grab a snack because this is going to be a lengthy post.

Where do I begin? Life has happened to me in the most uninvited and unpredictable way. I wasn’t prepared at ALL for the mean curve that life has given me.

My relationship with my older sister is depleted. I can’t get into much detail, but for lack of better words, she’s struggling and taking a untruthful, promiscuous, selfish turn in her life and she’s trying to drag me with her. I pray for her everyday, but our relationship will never be the same. Can it be repaired? who knows, but right now it isn’t a priority.

I found myself falling back into my depression. I’ve batted depression and suicidal thoughts after the death of my mom.  My sister’s drama and the stress of life itself made me depressed. I cried almost every day, in silence. I found myself so stressed that I was not eating, I was losing weight, I had bags underneath my eyes that required two types of concealer to cover. I began to hate waking up in the morning, I only woke up for work (we’ll get into that later). I wanted to end my life, but I thought about my niece, my boyfriend, my friends, and put the pills down.

The stress of my situation began to filter into my relationship as well, My boyfriend didn’t like the woman I was becoming, he told me that I wasn’t the woman he fell in love with. That was a wake-up call, but I still had demons that I was battling silently. I needed to hear my grandmother’s voice, but she was gone. I needed my mother’s touch, she’s gone, so I only turned to the one person I knew would heal me and become my salvation, God.

I’m not the most religious person in the world, but God is real. I wanted the stress to disappear, I wanted to be happy again, I wanted to smile again, I wanted to be healthy (stress weakened my immune system and I got sick three times back to back) so one night I just got on my knees and prayed for God to heal me, to remove the demons from my life, to make me strong again. He’s still blessing me, everyday.

My situation isn’t resolved, but I’ve gotten some more clarity on how to handle it. And here’s something I had to learn, Never let someone take advantage of you. NEVER GIVE SOMEONE THE  POWER TO STEAL YOUR JOY.

I had to learn that not everyone has your best interest at heart, they only want what’s best for them and THOSE PEOPLE ARE THE ONES YOU DO NOT NEED IN YOUR LIFE.

OK, enough about the bad, let’s get to some good.

Besides the personal and life drama, I was also working two jobs. I was working close to 60 hours a week. No days off. Working so much was great for my bank account, but bad for my body and for this blog. I recently made the mature decision to let my part-time job go, which frees up some time for me to blog again!

My relationship with my boyfriend is still going strong. I’m appreciative of him for being there for me during this hardest time, I actually fell in love with him more because he was my rock. He gave me advice, he held me down.

My niece is now two and so much fun!

I also have so much in store for this blog and I’m so happy to be back.

My battle with depression and stress isn’t completely over, I’m still trying to get stronger, wiser, and better. I’m gonna be back to me again, but I’m happy for the progress from then to now.

I want to personally thank all of you for reaching out, sending comments, tweets, emails. I appreciate all of you guys’ support. It touched me to know that you guys were genuinely concerned about me. THANK YOU! I’m coming back better than ever and give you the posts that you guys love. I’m going to go hard for you and for this blog.

I’M BACKKKKKK! tell a friend to tell a friend!

Expect posts every Monday and Tuesday guys!

Hiatus 

I’m going through a lot of things in my life right now that doesn’t allow me to devote time to blogging. I appreciate all of you who stop by and continue to give me support. I’ll be back when everything in my personal life is straight.

This isn’t goodbye this is see you later.

-Minnie 

Life Chat: Let’s Have a Body Party

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I recently went to Frederick’s of Hollywood because they were having a closing sale, 30-40% off? why not?! Something told me to get fitted since I haven’t been fitted for a bra in years, I assumed I was a C cup all these years, once the associate pulled out the tape and said “You’re a D cup” I was shocked and “Throw Some D’s” by Rich Boy automatically played in my head.

After going into the fitting room and tried on my new bra, I looked and the mirror and said a silent “Goddamn”. Not only did the bra fit amazing and it was sexy, but it gave me a sexy silhouette. In that fitting room I felt so damn sexy that I take a selfie and sent it to my man. I realized right then and there that I didn’t appreciate my body enough.

Your body is not only the house for your soul, but it’s also aids in your well being, it’s gives and receives pleasure and you only get one. I could go into this whole rant about eating healthy and exercising, those things must be done, but even with those things people don’t take the time to appreciate what they have. From a size 0 to 22, from curvy to slim-thick, everyone should appreciate and celebrate their beautiful bodies.

Growing up I hated my body. I was skinny, no type of curves. I had scars from an eventful childhood, freckles that my peers joked and called “ants on my face”. Once puberty hit, I saw some booty growing in, but still no boobs, I was constantly under pressure due to media and my peers to be a specific body type, popular at the time was Beyonce and Buffy the Body.

I always wanted to change something, I wanted to have a body that would grace the cover of King magazine, but God had other plans. I never really looked at my body naked, and whenever me and my boyfriend at the time were to get intimate, I would undress under the covers and have sex in the dark.

It took me getting older and coming into contact with women of a variety of body types for me to learn that I’m not the only girl in the world who has some insecurities about their body, but the body that I have is beautiful as it is.

I was tired of hating myself, my body. I wanted to be as confident as the girls in the music videos and who I saw around me.

I remember my current boyfriend and love of my life was watching me get dressed one day. His eyes were as bright as the lights on Broadway. His stare was so intense that it made me nervous, I asked “Why are you looking at me like that?” “You’re so  beautiful, your body is perfect babe.” I told him “thank you” but I didn’t believe him.

My boyfriend always compliments my body, my friends give me compliments as well, but I didn’t see it. So one day after I got in the shower, I stood and looked at myself in the mirror. I saw the flaws, but then I saw the victories. My smooth mocha colored skin, my thick country thighs, my slimming waist, my plump bottom, my high cheek bones, my chocolate freckles. All the things I wanted to change are now the things I love about myself.

I had to accept that my body was unique. I had to accept that it’s ok to feel sexy in your own skin, I learned to own who you are even if you aren’t the norm.

So have a body party ladies! (shout-out to Ciara) Celebrate your Goddess Vessel. Buy some lingerie, for you, take naked selfies, take a bubble bath, pull out the freakum dress in the back of your closet for a night out with your girls. Make love with the lights on!

Overall, Just celebrate your unique beauty! Do the things that make your body feel good and that are good for your body. Protect it, Love it, Flaunt it, Appreciate it. Your body is yours and it’s amazing.

It’s My 1st Birthday!!!

happy birthday

What a difference a year makes?

Today this lovely blog turns a year old! Can you believe it? I’m still in awe at the fact that something that started as a way to express my thoughts freely, has connected me to some amazing people and has taught me so many things about my writing.

Like a child’s first year of life, I learned some valuable lessons about this blogging thing by trial and error. So I wanted to share the things I’ve learned and the things I’m still learning.

First, find your unique writing style and voice. There are dozens of blogs being created everyday, what makes yours stand out? For me I’ve always admired bloggers like Tyece of Twenties Unscripted or Demetria Lucas of A Belle in Brooklyn because their voices are loud and speak to my spirit post after post, they perfected their voices so well that it would be hard to imitate. So I had to find what worked for me and it was 100 words, literally, and it isn’t easy, but I’ve received compliments from fellow bloggers about my being able to express my life in those short amount of words.

Second, don’t let the numbers bother you. It’s every blogger’s dream to have close to thousands maybe even millions of views, but the reality is, that’s not always the case. I had to learn that blogging takes time and patience. My very first week of blogging I had no views at all. I would get intimidated because I saw other bloggers with hundreds of views and comments, and over time my views and hits began to grow. It will be slow in the beginning, but focus and create relationships with the small group of followers that you do have and watch your numbers grow.

Third, build relationships with other bloggers. Blogging, especially as a woman of color, sisterhood is so beneficial. I was blessed to have the opportunity to attend “What Binds Us Together” a brunch by the amazingly wonderful Erica of Everything EnJ and to be a newbie to the blogging game, every woman at that table made me feel welcome and like a sister. I love the hashtag #blackgirlswhoblog as well because it’s introduced me to some amazing and inspiring writing. There’s no better feeling then to get a tweet from a fellow blogger telling you that something you wrote touched them or to quote something you’ve written. Connect with other bloggers, you’ll make friends and potential writing collaborators.
Lastly, Do you! This is your platform, express yourself freely and without shame. People will love you, and some will hate you. Some will praise you and others will ridicule you. But out of all those things be yourself, unfiltered.

I wanted to take this opportunity to thank all of you who read, comment, tweet, Facebook, my work. It’s you who inspired me, motivate me and makes every day I post a joy. I promise to continue sharing my life and writing pieces that will help you, make you laugh, make you think, or entertain you when you need a quick read.

To my sisters in blogging, thank you so much for your constant support and advice. I wouldn’t be able to make it to a year without you. Let’s take over this blogging ish!

To my family and friends, thank you so much for your support, inspiration, and love. Blogging isn’t easy, it requires you to give your all and to go to some of the darkest places in your life in hopes that you can help someone, but if it wasn’t for your love and support I wouldn’t have been able to share those things.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY LIFE IN 100 WORDS! CHEERS TO MORE YEARS!

p.s. This party ain’t over, I’m hosting a giveaway! Just comment below your name and why you like this blog and I’ll pick the winner randomly and he or she will be announced March 1st!

peace and love,

Minnie

After the Love is Gone 



What do you do when the butterflies no longer flutter?

What do you do when the sparks no longer fly?

Do you stay due to obligation because you promised “till death do you part”? 

Or do you find the courage to leave and be happy?

Where does the love go when you fall out of it?

Do you keep moving forward to find true happiness?

Do you stay due to fear of being alone?

Will you forgive yourself and the person who hurt you?

Will you accept that you tried to make it work?

Will you finally put yourself first?

My Hairstory

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Little girl with a big, full fro’, who sat between her nana’s legs every Saturday night with a straightening comb and royal crown.

Tween girl obsessed with Moesha got braided bobs every other month, then the pressures to have straight hair, creamy crack, damaged edges.

Short hair cut after a breakup, but I needed to be free. So I transitioned.

4c, tightly coiled texture, thick, full, edges are growing thanks to castor oil.

Embraced my natural hair, but need to save time and want to have options, so protective styling has been my best friend.

Natural or weaved, I’m me.

Life Chat: Hello 27

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Is it me or birthday’s aren’t as exciting anymore the older you get?

As my 26th year of life comes to a close I often take time to reflect on the good, bad, and ugly and start fresh.

Some people say milestone birthdays like their sweet 16th, old enough to party 18th or fully legal to drink and smoke 21st are memorable, for me it was 26.

Old enough to know better, but still young enough to make miniscule mistakes but 26 has taught me a few things that I want to carry into 27 and some things I want to leave behind.

One of the themes of being 26 that I want to take into 27 is strength. Man, I’ve tapped into my inner strength, that strength God gave every woman. I lost my grandmother and I really had to find the strength to get up in the morning. I had to find the strength to continue living my life. I found it and I’m never letting it go.

Another theme of 26 was forgiveness. This is something I still struggle with, but It’s something I want to bring into 27.

The person who I need to forgive the most is my father. I need to forgive him for abandoning me hours after being born. I had to forgive that he’s missed 27 birthdays, graduations, prom. I have to forgive that he wasn’t ready to be dad to me.

I also have to forgive my sister. Our relationship isn’t perfect, we’re at a rough patch right now, I’m trying to forgive her and move on with my life and accept that I have to determine my own destiny and live my life on my terms. I’m leaving the nest.

Acceptance is another theme. 26 taught me to accept and love all that I am. The curves, freckles, and stretch marks. I had to accept that not everyone was my friend and I had to accept that life is unpredictable, yet beautiful. I’ve accepted love as well, from a great man.

What i’m leaving behind is doubting myself and my abilities to be great in anything I do. I’m leaving behind the people who caused me harm, who took my kindness for weakness and those who told me my dreams were not attainable.

Another year to make my dreams come true, another year to become a more amazing woman. Another year sexier, another year of great friends, amazing love, and freedom.

Hello 27, nice to meet you.

How to be Fierce

photo cred: dorothydandridgeforever.com

photo cred: dorothydandridgeforever.com

Look in the mirror and tell yourself that you’re beautiful.

Go after your dreams despite your own doubts and opinions of others.

Have a good red lip and a little black dress in your closet.

Never let the fact that you’re a female in a male dominated world make you feel less than equal.

Strut into your office and job with a Beyonce song in your head.

Get that diploma it’s within your grasp!

Smile, laugh, cry if you have to,never be afraid to show emotion, you’re human and it’s beautiful.

Love your femininity, love yourself, that’s fierce honey!